Fat Coats and Bra Drawers

I have a ton of clothes.  I have way more than is needed by a normal human being.  I tend to use the "if you haven't worn it in a year, get rid of it" rule.  But when you are a fat girl who's lost a bunch of weight (several times) this gets tricky. 

And can we talk about bra drawers please? I'm not speaking about some weird hybrid of bras and pants now, that would really send me over the edge. What would that even look like? Let's google it and see......

This is the best the google gave me.  Which is simply a bra and drawers.  

Maybe there is an untapped market for Bra Drawers

(COPYWRITTED AND TRADEMAKEY by IWADB)

I want a hybrid.  Now I'm obsessed.  Fuck.  See what happens in my brain?

How about this?




Well damn, that just looks like a jumpsuit. And I know my drawing is incredibly lifelike (I didn't even go to art school!) but I don't know how to draw pants as I always just draw prairie dresses apparently.

 Can we get back to my original point here?  Geesh.  I have a ton of clothes.  The worst offenders are bras and coats right now.  I have 800 coats and 900 bras.  In all different shapes and sizes and I'm terrified to let any of them go.  My bra drawer, which looks like this:

 

is comprised of everything from tiny bras to super fat nursing bras. 

Yeah, let that sink in.  I don't have kids, yo.

When you lose weight what is the first thing to go?  Yeah.  So, I have yo-yoed between bra sizes for 20 years.  It's crazy town. 

And the fat coats are another whole thing because coats are a passion of mine.  I love Chicago winters and love coats.  I take great care in picking out the right coat for the right occassion and therefore have a ton.  Some are retro thrift store finds and some are heavy duty puffy cold as tits Chicago winter coats. And I'm scared to give any of them away.  But we live in a little place with not a lot of room. 

AND, what if I get fat again?  Hopefully I get pregnant fat and then what?  But I am trying my best to say I won't get fat fat again.  But who ever thinks they will, right?

You see my dilemma. 

There should be an island of misfit coats and bras where they can all just hang out and be sad and dejected but we reserve the right to call them back into service if the case arises.  I want to use it as motivation to NOT get fat again to give away all my fat shit.  But, what about the BABY?  GOD.

For now, I will do the easy fix and throw it all in the dungeon storage in the basement and when I dream I will dream of Fat Coats and Bra Drawers having a sort of sad party in which they recall days of fat boobs and asses wearing them to their owners horror. 

Sometimes very late at night, I will hear the nursing bra letting out a gentle cry,

"why oh why lady, why did you use me as a fat bra? Oh the horror.  You wouldn't know what to do with a nursing bra if it bit you on the tit."

And then I respond back in my dream, "quiet you fatty nursing bra, I'm thinner now and I don't need your squishy fatty bra comfort any longer."  And then I go put on my reasonably sized bra without super industrial cross your heart straps and feel happy with what I've accomplished.  And also, continue to wish I could really be wearing a nursing bra some day soon.