I'm an alcoholic, we all know that, and my entire blog incorporates my sobriety. It has invaded every part of my life and I'm so grateful. SO you could read any of my posts and get a hit of sober goodness.
Aside from that though, name a vice that I've tried and I can tell you about quitting that vice and how difficult it is.
One year ago right now, I was 35 pounds heavier. I was on Zoloft. I was smoking about 10 cigarettes a day. I was drinking massive amounts of caffeine and still eating a shit ton of ice cream on a daily basis.
And then one day I said, ENOUGH.
I quit all of it. Maybe not the smartest way to go about getting healthy, but that's what I did. I did it all in preparation for having a baby and being around for that child and my dear sweet husband in the future. That is a work in progress, but I am so happy I made that choice. In many ways, it's always been easier for me to justify doing the right, healthy thing for someone else, i.e., a baby, than for myself. Sad, but true.
Now that I've made these changes though, I cannot imagine not having made them.
I've written about all these issues and you can read about them here:
- Antidepressant/Anxiety withdrawal - The zaps are brutal. BE CAREFUL. Talk to your doctor.
- Smoking - This has taken me a few tries, but it's now been a couple months since my last smoke. Just keep trying!
- What I shove in my pie hole - I am always eating. And - LONG LIVE THE CHICKPEA
- A little bit of exercise never hurt anyone.
So, having said all that, you know all my weaknesses. And they are a plenty. I am no expert in anything except bullshit. And hope. So maybe this is encouraging somebody out there to take a chance and try something new and different. To try something that doesn't seem natural. And the more that you do it, the more it will become natural. I won't say, "if I can do it, you can do it" because I hate when people say that to me. Just because I do something, doesn't mean everyone else can or should.
I will say that I am rooting for you. A lot. And it's not easy, but it is worth it.
I totally get this!! The last time I lost 35 pounds I got pregnant and unfortunately miscarried. I took the screw it all attitude and now need to lose the weight all over again.. Good luck in baby making! It's harder than everyone things! Babies are miracles and timing - nothing easy there.
ReplyDeleteEvery single thing you named, plus A LOT more than 35 lbs, is me. Zoloft, smoking, caffeine to survive, ice cream every night.... All of it. How did you change it??
ReplyDeleteMake the choice to change it. and then it's one day at a time. Some are way harder than others. I just decided not to do that thing that day. It's hard.
DeleteK... You're my hero. I'd say heroine, but it looks and sounds too much like something else we'd have to quit. *smirk*
ReplyDeleteoops, too late.
As another recovering "whatever"... I'm fully aware of the trappings of going from one addiction to another... as you battle ONE, another surfaces. This has been the story of my life, only I never realized that's what was happening. I just thought I'd been born under a black cloud. "FML"
Reading your strength and courage gives me the permission to carry on today... to do what I can, make a move towards goodness, not feed the fear mongrel and know that "everything is going to be alright".
Love ya like a fat kid loves cake... or maybe just hummus. *wink*
HUMMUS CAKE!!!!!!!!!!!! and everything is going to be alright if we keep each other going. xo
Delete1st and foremost let me say that your label/tag fat ass is fantabulous!
ReplyDeleteOooo... spot on: "Just because I do something, doesn't mean everyone else can or should." luvIt!
I came wired doing life one way... extreme; I missed the lesson on moderation somewhere along the way.
I'm grateful that I stumbled my way into a place where I could learn and know that today I have choices and moderation/quitting is certainly viable options! Hmmm... imagine that!
you get it, girl. so grateful. And yeah, "fat ass" is one of my favorite labels. Moderation? what the what? xo
DeleteOnce again, you have perfect timing. Last night I had a dream that I had a stroke (I also dreamt that alligators were trying to eat me, but that is not the point). I am a 36-year old single mom of 2 beautiful girls, and at the rate I'm going, I'll be lucky to live long enough to see them get married. That's depressing and scary.
ReplyDeleteI gave up drugs and booze, but that was easy compared to the food issues I have. Today I will not live in denial. Today I will stop pretending that "it will never happen to me" and that "other than being overweight, I'm TOTALLY healthy." Today I will sit with the truth and try to come up with the next right thing and the power to carry that out. Today I will love you for so many reasons - especially you willingness to share your experience, strength, and hope.
that's scary shit. We may start to get healthy for others, but then we stay healthy for ourselves which in turn, is even better for others. You are one of the strong women I need around. xo
DeleteYayy you!! I just quit Zoloft myself. I weaned myself off. I've been done since Easter & still get the creepy feeling in my legs at bed time (like bugs are crawling inside of them) Hoping this will pass!! Now to go on and quit putting things in my pie hole! :)
ReplyDeleteI LOVE this post Katy. You are an inspiration and I relate to so much of what you talk about and your strength astounds me. I'm bookmarking this; maybe one of these days it will make that light bulb go off for me. Fingers crossed.
ReplyDeleteLove you, woman. You are an inspiration. xoxo
ReplyDeleteu r totally inspirational. I so agree on chickepeas. I am 3 weeks vegan 2day. Not really for the PETA reasons of it--but the health reasons of it for now.
ReplyDeleteKaty you inspire me everyday. I think that with my adhd meds I may be able to come off all the others. I don't seem to need the one that is prn, & the one I take daily can probably go as well. I have a dr appointment in a few weeks, & I am going to talk to him about this. Thank you for all you do, especially when you don't realize you've done it! You are the most AWESOME Spaz I have ever known <3 carrie michelle allen, HBIC
ReplyDelete<3 <3 I've also have never found a vice I didn't have to quit. The smoking thing and eating healthy is relatively newer to me, and without the patch I may not have accumulated any days without a cigarette, but let me just say I am keeping my big ole coffee crutch.<3 Thanks for the e, s & h!
ReplyDeleteSigh, I think about you every day as I am discovering that I have some depression that I try to mash down with food and beer and that makes me more depressed. Now I am fat and depressed. I am trying OA. Maybe some Welbutrin....I don't know, but I do know that you inspire me, and I wish I knew you for reals. My brain just feels like it is in a constant arguement with itself. ?? Weird and it makes me feel stupid. Oh and also, I have nothing but great things in my life so I feel guilty about it all. Good news? I have some great friends and we are formulating a plan that I WILL follow!!! I love reading you!
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you're a quitter! You're good at it, too. ;) And I don't see anything wrong with wanting to be healthy for a baby and a husband being your impetus.
ReplyDeleteI just found you via, aw shit, some blog's Facebook page, maybe Humble? Anyway, got to this post. Am staying. SQUATTERS' RIGHTS, BITCHES.
ReplyDeleteMy two favorite things about this post. 1) Long live the chick-pea! and 2) I agree - not just b/c someone can do something means someone else can too.
ReplyDeleteYou rock.