The Tale of Vainglorious and the Bump

This is a tale of a woman who suffers from vainglory.

vain·glo·ry

  /ˈveɪnˌglɔri, -ˌgloʊri, veɪnˈglɔri, -ˈgloʊri/ Show S

noun

1. excessive elation or pride over one's own achievements, abilities, etc.; boastful vanity.

2. empty pomp or show.

Her name is, let's just say Katy, for the sake of keeping things simple, and really, I'm not that good at hiding things, take for example the fact that almost every g-d one of you knew I was pregnant before I made my big announcement.

Vainglorious? After 2 holes in one?  You bet your ass I'm vainglorious.

Katy is pregnant. And she is deliriously and incredibly happy and full of joy and gratitude to be pregnant after wanting to be for so very long. This is a happy tale of a bumpster baby growing to life in her belly and all that goes with it.

However, Katy is vainglorious. She had lost 35 pounds in the last year and worked quite hard to get her dietary habits and lifestyle changes incorporated into her entire being and now? Well, now, she has to eat all the damn time.

Almost 15 weeks along here.

She isn't fitting into her cute clothes because she has gained 10 pounds. This is wonderful and healthy and beautiful and don't think for one second that she is wishing it were otherwise, because that's not the case. AND THIS IS NOT COMPLAINING. It's feelings. And we all have these feelings, with the good, come the bad. It's the yin and the yang of being human.

All that Katy is feeling is natural for a woman. Just as feeling the highs are here so are feeling the lows. And the real question is WHAT THE HELL DOES SHE WEAR? OH MY GOD. Vainglorious? HELL YES. How does she still look cute and keep growing little bumpster baby the best of her ability when she cannot fast after a long vacation of eating everything in the Door County region of Wisconsin? SHE MUST KEEP EATING.

This is the difference today. In the old days of her stupid addictive thinking, Katy would stop eating altogether. Now, she must keep eating, but eating GOOD HEALTHY FOOD instead of just crap because she feels like eating crap. Another difference is that Katy exercises today. Not anything crazy, and fully protected by helmets and bubble wrap and water wings and fully hydrated, but something to balance out all the eating. IT IS HEALTHY.

This word people talk about M O D E R - A - T I O N. That word is something that dear sweet Katy knows nothing about, or she thought she didn't, as she is addicted to everything. Everything she has done to excess, she has had to quit. Except for one thing. That attitude of gratitude. She does that all day every day for every little thing she has and feels and gets to experience in life. Because as we all know damn well by now, she shouldn't really have these chances. These opportunities to be so overwhelmingly happy and sad and worried and grateful and stupidly laughingly hopeful about her future are all gifts that she was never promised, they were given to her as a gift for getting sober and for helping others to get and stay sober, her purpose for being on this planet. 

So, in all honesty, this vainglorious thing is helping her to have a healthy pregnancy and to help keep her head screwed on right. Just because there is a baby bump now, doesn't mean everything she's learned is thrown out with the bathwater. I know I'm not alone here, and anyone who wants to shame dear sweet Katy for feeling this way, for feeling human and like a woman who enjoys being all cute, well, you know where you can cram that nonsense.

The moral of this Tale of Vainglorious and the Bump? We all have feelings of vanity. If we can talk about it and not hide or feel ashamed of it, we will all be better for having done that. We don't have to turn into hermits who don't care how we look when we become pregnant and then mothers. At least I don't think that's what we are supposed to do. We want to feel good and look good for ourselves and in turn for our families. That is called BEING HEALTHY. And that can never ever be a bad thing for our children.

Cute and healthy and determined.  And BUMPY.

Let's encourage each other, not beat each other up and say things like, "Oh, wear that now because you will never be able wear that again." BITTERNESS. "Enjoy your time with your husband now, because he will never find you attractive again." EVEN MORE BITTERNESS. And, my favorite, "Wear those heels now, because you are doomed to a lifetime of flats once you have this baby." Ladies, I don't want what you are selling, as you sound miserable and I don't think your family would want that either. I WILL WORK MY ASS OFF TO STAY HEALTHY AND POSITIVE AND CUTE. There, I said it. And there is nothing stopping you from doing the same damn thing. I will be your cheerleader. We are all in this together.

And all the women lived happily ever after, in encouragement and love and not tearing each other down, but instead building each other up, with love and laughter and gratitude for all we have.

THE END.