 |
| This is more my speed in the next few weeks. |
But in the famous words of the immortal Ferris Bueller, who is a righteous dude, "Life moves pretty fast, if you don't slow down and look around once in a while, you might just miss it."
I have a doctor appointment coming up that is most likely going to tell me if and when I need to SLOW THE FUCK DOWN. I'm at 28 and a half weeks with twins and everything I read and hear is meant to scare the everloving shit out of me.
I had our insurance provider calling me every day for weeks on end, a different voice each day, pronouncing my name differently every day, asking me for 20 minutes of my time, every day for WEEKS on my voicemail.
I finally called back for the FREE SERVICE they offer of basically just SCARING THE SHIT OUT OF YOU and telling you everything that can go wrong with your twin pregnancy. Over and over and over. And make sure you call back every other week to tell them how it's going. Why? SO they don't have to pay more. To make sure I'm seeing my doctor regularly and taking care of myself, which I explained I was doing religiously, and that I didn't really have a need for this free service, BUT THANK YOU KINDLY ANYWAY. I'm confident in my body and my doctors to help me along and tell me what if anything, is wrong. And NOTHING HAS BEEN WRONG UP UNTIL THIS POINT, and if it is, I will deal with it. But why why why do they try to scare the shit out us for no reason? Well, money. It's all about money right?
The gazillions of books and the internet and GODS HELP US the chatrooms for twins are terrifying and I JUST SAY NO. I've done my best to only read a few books on the recommendation of friends who I trust who have twins. That is it. Because I KNOW MYSELF and I know I will spiral into a pit of non-stop worry and anxiety about things that COULD happen. Worry is useless. Worry is pointless. And yet, and yet....We all do it.
I keep a regular list of questions and concerns and am in CONSTANT CONTACT with my nurse practitioner, who I keep reminding that I am the FIRST AND ONLY WOMAN TO EVER BE PREGNANT, and she is wonderful. Takes all the time I need to email and call with me sometimes several times a week. I am so so grateful for her. And I make her laugh, which she says is a welcome relief from the stress she deals with with so many expectant moms.
We all worry, BUT have the ability to turn it into prayer or some kind of productive action rather than something that just eats at us. I'm having a hard time sleeping right now for obvious reasons, but worrying isn't really one of them. The endless cycle of worry is something I know how to control these days. After years of practice I can put it out of my head, laying in bed at night, after I do my prayers and my gratitude lists, if I'm still worrying about shit, I ask myself, "is this something I can do anything about RIGHT NOW?" And if not, I say, "RELIEVE ME OF THE BONDAGE OF SELF" to the universe over and over and over and over, and guess what? I am relieved. It works. I may just tire myself out by saying it, but whatever. It works and next thing I know I'm sleeping.
The problem is I am working 10 and 11 hour days lately with no end in sight. And I really love my work. BUT, I love these babies more. So, I need to take it easy. I need to be open to slowing down and not going as hard and as fast as I have been the past few weeks. I know how to control things at work. I know I'm good at what I do and I know how to multitask the shit out of this job.
I know I'm about to lose control like I've never lost control before. In a completely different way than when I was knocked out on booze all the time. This having babies nonsense is asking for a loss of control in a way I've never known.
Somehow this taking it easy and slowing down before they come, may be a blessing. Tell me it's a blessing because I'm really fighting it right now. I will absolutely do what's best for these babies, but the slowing down thing is quite difficult. More difficult than I thought it would be.
So, I'm projecting. But I want to be ready for the news from the doctor. When I hear, "It's time." I want to say with a great big smile on my face, "OK, Let's do this." And really mean it. And you know what? I think I'm just about there. Acceptance. It's something I've gotten really good at. And can use to my advantage. I don't have to fight. I can just accept and be grateful. After I fight it tooth and nail for a while first, that is.
you... you are f*in awesome. and you do got this, you got this a hell of a lot more than most, and it's probably 'cause you're so fucking awesome.
ReplyDelete*insert more encouraging "fucking awesomes" and a couple hugs here* and tell Dumpster Husband he's a lucky bastard, 'cause you are (yeah, you guessed it), so totally fucking awesome.
*cheers*
You've got this, girl! It's not easy...but NOTHING is easy. You've got your priorities in order! Love yous!
ReplyDeleteYou know your body. You will slow down when you are ready. Cut back on your hours at work and take some you time, try to prepare yourself in case the doctor says it's time to sit with your feet above shoulder level. I was never pregnant with twins, but with my third and last child I was out helping hubby saw up wood (lifting 6-12 foot pieces of wood onto a saw horse) When I hit my limit I stopped.
ReplyDeleteUgh here I go offering 'sage' wisdom. If it feels good to you, then do it. You are very self aware. You know when you are hungry, tired, ancy, relaxed, etc. As long as you are aware, and don't fight what you are aware of. You will be fine. Here I go starting a story that maybe might help: I know a gal who had her twins at home. Wait for it....she was 41 weeks....and she felt GREAT. Tired as fuck, but otherwise great.....wait for it....she delivered those babies herself because her midwife didn't make it in time. It was a lot of effort and a little cray cray...but she felt confidant. So she did it. Not saying everyone is capable of doing that, but the point is....awareness and being in tune with yourself tells you more than any Dr ever could.
ReplyDeleteI was SO the same way! Even put myself in early labor from goin too hard at work & at home...just didn't want to slow down! So when they, luckily, stopped the labor and put me on bed rest for a few weeks, I thought I would die of boredom. So 2 weeks later I begged to be released to go back to work. 1 week later I was having my daughter, and still 2 weeks early!!
ReplyDeleteThe part I didn't really believe would happen, was so what happened! I didn't WANT to do anything! NOTHING! Of course I was busy taking care of a newborn, but when she was sleeping or someone else was holding her, I was quite content just sitting still and watching her.
I get emotional every year around her bday, because I love her with every piece of me....and I still lay next to her and just watch her sleep, every night.
she's a Halloween baby, and will be 10 on Wednesday.... *big crocodile tears in a good way*
Listen to your body...it will tell you what is right. I just want to give you the biggest hug ever right now and tell you what you already know is true. Trust that knowledge, squeeze out the negative and embrace a little chaos. I love you, girl!!!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Humble. If anyone is aware of their body and what's up, it's you. You're going to be a kickass mom who teaches H&O the importance of a strong work ethic. Granted it'll take them a few years to see THAT part of you but they'll see it. You got this! Take the cues your body and the babies give you and enjoy your pregnancy to the fullest. Just no skydiving yet ok :) especially in heels lol
ReplyDeleteGirl you got this! My best friend had twins 3 years ago (boy & girl). She worked up to 30 weeks when her doctor told her it was time to rest. I know when the doctors told her to slow down, she wasn't ready. She kept thinking of all that needed to be done. I had to remind her that she needed this time to relax & reflect on what God was blessing her with. She, like you, was the only one ever to be pregnant with twins. She always worried about the "what if's" & I told her not to worry. Soon, she began to enjoy her rest time & soon enough (7 weeks later) her beautiful twins were born. Her doctors scheduled her to deliver at 37 weeks (I guess 37 weeks is considered full-term for twins???). When she had her babies, they were perfect. Stayed in the room with her & went home with their Mommy. You, more than anyone I know, are going to ROCK at being a Mommy. H & O won the lottery. Listen to your body. You are never wrong. You know you & the babies BEST! Love you so much!
ReplyDeleteTake it easy my dear friend. Easier said than done, I know. I've never met you in real life, but I somehow love you and those babies growing inside your belly. Wow! So powerful pregnancy is.
ReplyDeleteAh honey, you will deal with whatever you have to deal with as it comes up. There are some things in life you can't really prepare for and parenting is one of them to some extent. I mean, it's good to know some basic and healthy parenting things (really good) but things are often not what you think they are going to be and in some ways, you learn as you go. But what's really important is that you will find a way to adapt and deal with whatever life throws at you as it comes along when it comes to your kids. And you know what, you're probably going to be okay - most of us are.
ReplyDeleteYou are awesome and having twins is awesome! You are right to not believe everything you read or hear. You are doing great and loving being pregnant. I loved it too and when my twin boys came, I loved those hazy, sleepy moments as well. You are right to live in the moment and enjoy each stage you reach. Don't worry about what is coming because it is impossible to plan for every "what if". You look great!
ReplyDeleteHolding a tiny coffee cup with pinky ouT "cheers.". :)
ReplyDeleteGot bed-rested at 30 weeks. Had the babes at 35 1/2 weeks. No biggie. Keep the babies as your main concern and you will be fine.
ReplyDeleteI have girlie twins who are now almost 3 (what what?!) and I remember buying those damn books so I knew what to expect. I went to my wonderfully awesome Dr. with my "but the book said..." questions and she told me to never open those books again. And I listened. I stopped reading what other people where doing and listened to what my body needed. And those little girls were sucking the ever-loving life outta me! So I stopped working around 32ish weeks and took it easy. The whole 'nesting' thing kicked in and I had plenty to keep me busy at home. ANYWHOO... You stike me as the kind of lady who will just *know* when it's time for you to slow down and won't take shit from anybody else telling you otherwise!
ReplyDeleteYou will get through it, and then you will have two wonderful little babies. You know about everybody having an opinion, right? I heard all the dread too and my twins are 9 now and perfectly healthy. I have faith that yours will be too. Slow down now and enjoy the calm before the storm. ;-)
ReplyDeleteI'm here from FB and Twitter and I imagine my HP because I love these blogs and the hope/fear/life experiences you share. Thank you. I am grateful today. MF
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing, Gratitude is a big part of my life.
ReplyDelete