Calling ALL Big Babies! Big Babies, Party of One, Please Report Here!

GODS DAMMIT THIS SUCKS!

I've been sick since last Thursday, meaning, ears and throat mostly, like freaking GINZU KNIVES CUTTING CLEAN THROUGH RC CANS sick, and it will NOT GO AWAY.  Add all that onto being 35 weeks preggo with twins, and you've got yourself a BIG HUGE BABY.   Meaning, Moi. 

I can't really take much in the way of meds as SURPRISE!!!!  I'm pregnant.   So, it's suffer like a big giant hero suffers or cut my own head off. 

And believe me, the cutting my own head off is tempting.

I went to the ER yesterday as my nurse practitioner said to, in order to get some relief, probably antibiotics, as it hadn't gotten better for decades.  I mean, days.

As I sat in the waiting room with all the really sickly sick dying and decaying and pathetic sounds and smells of an ER (and that was all just coming from me), I thought, JESUS CHRIST SUCK IT UP IT CANNOT BE THAT BAD.

And yet every time I swallow, I start crying.  It is THAT BAD.  But still, no fever, no strep (they confirmed it) and no flu, or anything else tangible they can put their fingers on.

And the worst part for someone like me, who loves to hear the sound of her own Chicago accent is I LOST MY FREAKING VOICE TWO DAYS AGO.  So I can't talk.  Period. I had to whisper everything at the ER and they all looked at me like I was nuts, even more so when I said in my loudest whisper yell, "ISN'T THERE ANYTHING YOU CAN DO FOR ME?"

And they sweetly smile and say, "no, you just have to wait this one out, you'll get better soon."

Well, let me tell you that screamwhispering "FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING FUCKS"  loses a bit of its menacing quality when screamed as a whisper. Not that I would know this.  Or anything like that, I just happened to dream about it while I was in the ER for four hours yesterday where the only real thing they did was a throat culture.  Misplaced anger anyone?

I even got all dramatic saying, "it's endangering my babies as I can't swallow and I've lost weight." and they said, "well, just make sure you hydrate and take your vitamins and drink Ensure and keep eating soft foods." (see disclaimer at the end please)

I then got really desperate and threw myself on the floor grabbing at scrub pant legs and doctor coats with wild abandon screaming, "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS IS THE WORST PAIN THAT ANYONE HAS EVER HAD TO ENDURE EVER!"  To which they all replied, "name and birth date please?"

And so it goes.  And I keep playing out this tape in my head, "Katy, listen you selfish immature big huge baby, there is REAL suffering going on in the world, GET OVER IT."  But then I swallow and the tears come and it's onward with the same cycle.  Plus, every time I try to sleep I cough so hard I think I see babies shooting across the room, and that is not helping.

Today, I am choosing to stop with the whining and choosing hope that this has GOT to get better.  I want to be at my absolute best when I go into labor.  Can I also just say that my Dear Sweet Dumpster Husband has been so  incredible I cannot even begin to tell you.  Cooking and cleaning and shopping and making sure I have what I need at all times?  HE IS THE SUPER HERO.



And I've been offline for the bulk of the last week, due to the I'M DYING party of one nonsense, which it turns out was a good thing.  So much sadness and heartache and devastation and then everybody putting their two cents in about the whole damn thing.  I don't have to put my opinion out there.  In a way, this sickness has helped me keep my big fucking mouth silent - really and truly - and that is a gift.  See?  We can turn anything into a bright side if we try hard enough.

I leave you with one of my favs, and one of yours too I'm sure.  THIS TOO SHALL PASS. It always does.  The good and the bad.   

DISCLAIMER before anybody gives me shit, the babies are absolutely fine.  They were checked and rechecked and we go back again tomorrow.  These babes are like royalty, I swear.  This post is for the FUNNY.  So please, if you are about to lecture me about shit, turn it inward, m'kay?  thanksverymuch.  And just the fact that I wanted to write is a good indicator that I'm feeling better, so, little jumpy "YAAAY" with tiny little sad pom poms.