Things I Love Thursday - Part 65

You better watch out because I'm gonna say fuck. 

WE WENT TO THE MOTHERFUCKING MALL, YO!

Rollin' with the homies

The Thing I Love This Thursday is MALL WALKING.  And yeah, yeah, yeah, we all know I love my dear sweet dumpster husband, but it's Valentines Day and I'm sure there will be a barrage of lovey dovey posts today, so I ain't doing it. 

So, yeah, we went to the mall like three proper bad asses.  And this isn't any old mall, this is the mall in which I grew up skulking about.  This is a mall I haven't frequented in years and years, BECAUSE IT'S IN THE SUBURBS, SON and I get nervous leaving the safety of the city limits these days.  BUT this is a mall I bought Benetton sweaters in and Swatch watches and UNITS and stalked Contempo Casuals and got Annie's Pretzels in - like a late 80's/early 90's BOSS with big mothereffing hair, yo. 

My high school Senior Picture Circa 1991.  Home perm.  Wings.  Hoops.  Double piercing in left ear that was done at a YOUTH GROUP CHURCH RETREAT LIKE A GANGSTA, Shoulder Pads.  Shimmer lip gloss.  Necklace with a heart and someone has the key.  If only I could remember who that peg leg jeaned stud was......

Observations at the MOTHERFUCKING MALL, YO.

1. There are a shit ton of mall walkers during a week day.
2. EVERYONE wants to talk to the lady with the twins.  
3. People pay way too much money for some bullshit.
4. There are some real creepy dudes out there who really want to talk to a righteous MILF with babies. CREEPY CREEPS.
5.  EVERYONE wants to talk to the lady with the twins. 
6. There are a lot of moms and babies who all seem to KNOW EACH OTHER. 
7. There are a lot of strollers and double strollers at this gangsta playground. --
   

Which is why I just parked on the upper level with our double stroller and threw the babies overboard.  I think they landed ok.  I mean, Hall landed on a slide and Oates was just content to lay there like a starfish in the middle of the screaming mob of punk ass kids.  SUBURBS.  CHECK IT.  Watch yourself, you could get a cap in yo' ass.  I left them there for maybe 30 minutes while I went to Wet Seal and tried on pleather pants, yo.  WAIT, you mean that's NOT a babysitting service in there?  The parents are supposed to supervise their kids there?  Shit.  No wonder they were all giving me the stink eye when I gave them a tip on our way out.  Oh well, live and learn.

We made it about 3 hours and then the meltdown started.  First Hall and then Oates.  We high tailed it to Nordstroms -- AND NO I DON'T WANT A SAMPLE OF STANKASS PERFUME I HAVE TWO WAILING BABES HERE -- because they have lovely ladies lounges.  We lounged and fed and changed our nappies.  Well, I didn't have to change mine at that point.  But then we went and got a Valentine's card for our main man and got the heck out.  One Starbucks, one pretzel and one card - $8.  A few hours of lovely walking around with babies and other humans who were quite lovely except for a couple smartass remarks, PRICELESS.  We will be back, mall. WE WILL BE BACK.

I leave you with this gem by my nerd crush, genius Ben Folds (that's the link to a post I did about him).   It's all I could think about walking through the mall today.  It was a good spazz dancing soundtrack for our walking like bad asses through the mall with heels and red lips.

And I smiled and smiled and every comment got a sincere "Thank you, yes, they are twins, a boy and a girl.  They are 5 weeks old and I am SO LUCKY."